If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
