wakey wakey hands off snakey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
