is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
