one might say we're banned from that church
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
