I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
