Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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