the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
