I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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