i permit you to call me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
