FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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