69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
