Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
