Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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