What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
