This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
