i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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