JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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