stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
