cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
