My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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