You really coming over, don't trick.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
