Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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