Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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