Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
