Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you made out with another girl for some wings
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
