You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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