I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
