and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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