I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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