I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
