why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
