Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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