I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
