I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
