just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
