How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
