i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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