someone owes me an orgasm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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