dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
