I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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