i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
