Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
