I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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