I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
