when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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