Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
