Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
smell my finger.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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