quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
