....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
