I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
