a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
