Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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