Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
