Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
