feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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