i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
