Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
