is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
