nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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