I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
