You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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