the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
