The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
