end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
