ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
