he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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