I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
