I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
