So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
